Speed Daters-Top 10 Guys That Move Too Fast
We are often cautioned about the guys who lead us on, drag their feet, and are slow to make a commitment. Nowadays when it comes to dating our greatest fear is wasting our time. If we aren’t mindful, first dates can seem like interviews with us asking all of the “right questions” hoping to crack the cheat code before too much is invested. I am totally in agreement with identifying red flags early on (check out my post about that http://www.wordsbytiffanyrae.com/not-miss-red-flags-dating/) and not being strung along. However I have noticed that there is another group of guys that we need to be cautious with; the ones that move entirely too fast. See this can seem like a positive quality at first glance but if you dig deeper you will find that a guy who wants to move quickly may have a hidden agenda. Let me preface this by saying that I am not referring to the grown men who know what they want, don’t play games, and recognizes when it’s time to commit. I am speaking of the ones who are professing their love, future plans, and pushing a relationship when you’ve just met, without even knowing your last name. These are the ones we have to watch out for.
So from my observations, personal experiences, and stolen encounters from my girls, here is my list of the top 10 movers and shakers we should steer clear from:
- The Trickster– This guy’s agenda is pretty simple, to get you to fall before you see his true colors. He has a formula, a method of laying it on extra thick in the beginning, cramming an entire serious relationship into a few months period in order to get all the perks (sex, your attention, commitment, loyalty, etc.). This guy has mastered his game to a science. He knows about how long he has with you before the gig is up so he maximizes his time by saying everything you want to hear wrapped in empty promises. For the women who hang on even once they realize what’s up, well that’s just a bonus for him.
- The Rebounder– His goal is to move on quickly from his previous situation to avoid actually having to deal with his emotions. You are their filler, their bridge, and temporary fix. The sad part about this guy is that he may be genuinely interested in you but will never admit that he’s just not ready. He craves your affection and companionship, you are a distraction from his pain. This is not to say that he won’t commit, however it is always risky to involve yourself with someone who has not fully healed.
- The Planner– Oh, the man with the plan (A.K.A The Insert Girl Here Guy). He is seeking a relationship as a part of his master life plan. Scoring a partner is seen as an accomplishment and he is eager to meet this goal. This guy takes a check list approach to dating and if you fit in his box then he’ll wife you on the spot. The issue here is it’s all about him. He may not truly love you for you but instead he wants you because you complete the perfect picture he has in his mind.
- The Broken One– With him your primary purpose is to fill a void. He has issues on top of issues and he sees you as a rescuer or his cure. If you are a natural caretaker then you will fall right into the trap because you will love the way he makes you feel needed. Being with him will exhaust you because he will take all you have to give. Falling for this guy may also be indication of your own brokenness.
- The Narcissist– We couldn’t get through this list without talking about the narcissist, after all he himself wouldn’t want to be left out. If you’ve ever dated one then you know he charms you hard and before you know it, you are hooked. The narcissist is the ultimate predator so he moves fast with all of his victims or sources trying to stay one step ahead at all times. He is very calculated, studying your every move and nuance to transform into your perfect guy. This is before all of the mind games begin. All I can say about this one is beware!
- The Impulsive Guy– He is driven by lust and calls it love. He lives in the moment, is very passionate, and flies by the seat of his pants. Since he is led by feelings, he goes all in head first when he is interested not thinking twice about it. He’ll tell you you’re the one and will mean it, at that time. However once the dust settles, the allure wears off, and he gets bored, he goes ghost. He’ll surely take you on the ride of your life, but it won’t be anything more than that.
- The Mr. – Unfortunately, majority of us can probably say that we’ve been hit on by a married man, probably more than once which is a sad reality. The married man most often moves fast because he has to. He doesn’t have time to take his time. He needs to make you fall for him so that hopefully you will ignore all of the glaring signs pointing to the fact that he is married. He also only has so much time that he isn’t with his actual family. The married man who is also a serial cheater is trying to get his needs met not now but right now.
- The User– This guy sees you as an opportunity so he is going to quickly suck you dry whether it is driving all the gas out of your car, borrowing money/credit cards, or moving in with you. He is going to solidify his place in your life so that you can take care of him. All of the effort he puts in initially is an investment for him.
- The Serial Monogamist– There is nothing wrong with someone who prefers to be in a relationship. There is something wrong with a guy who HAS to be in a relationship. He will move quickly with you because he doesn’t know how not to. He can’t stand to be alone so he hops from girlfriend to girlfriend with little time in between. Sometimes he may want the relationship more than he actually wants you.
- The Hit and Runner– This is the most obvious of them all. However for some reason women fall for the shenanigans. They have their sights set on one thing…sex! They will do or say whatever to get it. They may string you along for as long as they want you physically or until newer conquest comes along and then they will hit you with the infamous fall back leaving you wondering why he suddenly lost interest when in fact it wasn’t anything sudden about it, he began to disconnect once you gave it up.
Again, there is a difference between a man who knows what he wants and a man trying to rush you to give him what he wants. This is why it is so important that we keep a clear head and use discernment when meeting someone so that we don’t fall for the okie doke. Most of the time these guys pray on our weakness of yearning for a relationship. When we have a healthy outlook during our singleness we are less likely to be swept off our feet by a counterfeit. So no matter how exciting it can be to meet a new potential bae, let’s commit to taking things slow so that we can choose well.
Moment of reflection
Do you believe that it is a red flag for a man to move too fast? Have you ever encountered any of the guys on this list? Any ones you would add? What are some ways you are choosing to date smarter and choose wisely?