Mourning After: What You Really Miss When It’s Over

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35 Responses

  1. Ebonee Hughes says:

    Awesome points made! Great read. I swear every time I read “listen” in your writings I immediately hear your voice and then the laugh that comes after lol lol. Awesome read!!

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      Lol! My writing voice is literally my voice! Thank you so much for your support. It means more than you know!

  2. Gee Bivins says:

    Nicely written! As someone who has been single (never married), I’ve related to everything you’ve touched on. As a single parent I put my time and effort into raising my daughters. Now, I’m becoming an “empty nester” just single, not so much of a single parent. Now in my singleness I’m finding what makes me happy. I’m doing me! I truly believe God will soon present my husband. My last period of singleness as a parent was just for that, to take care of my daughters. It took me a very long time to come to grips with that. Having a husband at the time probably wouldn’t have lasted. I needed to raise my girls on my own. This period of singleness now is for me, and now it’s time for him to show up. I’m happily preparing while single, by falling so in love with me. Still learning about myself, still growing, still hoping, smiling, and making every single minute count!

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      I love this! It is a struggle sometimes to adhere to God’s timing but it is always perfect. I agree that your empty nest won’t be empty for long lol. Praying for your husband to arrive soon!

  3. Ka Lynn says:

    I’ve been working on making sure that I validate myself and that being alone doesn’t mean I’m not likeable or that no one wants me. That’s been a hard lesson to learn. I’ve also been working on not hitting up men who like me just because I want attention. Great read ❤️

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      You just said a mouth full. Changing our narrative about what it means to be single is so important. Thanks for reading!

  4. Allyse says:

    “The Happy Ending” that is the story of my life ! I really enjoyed reading it. I really hate that I get so caught up in what I THOUGHT we would be.

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      I feel you, those expectations will kill us but I’m glad you recognize that pattern. Thanks so much for reading and one day it WILL be your happy ending!

  5. Chinequa Taylor-Head says:

    Beautifully well-written! Going to share with someone I know who’s going through it right now.

  6. Stephanie Jackson says:

    Great post, and while I’m not necessarily going through a break up, it’s such a real topic that we all can relate to at some point in our lives.

  7. Kay says:

    I remember after my breakup in 2012 just going into my friend’s room and crying all night… I was BIG sad. I think what I missed most was a constant presence even though for me, the presence was very toxic and I also was missing the company. What helped me was realizing that I deserved better and would get that as soon as I put energy into myself. The time along taught me about my standards and what I would and would NOT accept from the next man I gave my heart to.

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      Nothing wrong with the all night cries, we’ve all been there. I am so glad you were able to use the time to love on yourself for a while. Thanks for reading!

  8. Myisha says:

    Very good read. I agree with all you have written. Ending a relationship is very hard. Giving your self time and finding yourself is super important.

  9. Kim says:

    This was a great read. My last breakup really helped me figure out who I was. Sometimes we lose ourselves fighting for relationships we think we need. I am so thankful for that last heart break. It taught me so much.

  10. I make the most of my singleness by focusing on my finances. I can be without a man, but I can’t be without my money!

  11. Tamika Jones says:

    Very insightful and thought provoking Tiff. This really shows your journey as well as your growth. I know that your wisdom and experiences are enlightening and blessing others. Keep up the good work!

  12. Michelle says:

    Excellent post!!!!! I love it. You touched on amazing points that we often try to forget when it comes to an end.

  13. Mala says:

    That was a very sobering read. I never paid attention to this topic until now. And really, every point you make it so true.

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      I am so glad you were able to take something away from this post, thanks for reading!

  14. I think it’s so true that so many people do focus way more on the other person than themselves during a breakup. In my opinion, self love should ALWAYS come first. Especially in rough times! This is a great reminder. Thank you so much for sharing!

  15. Miaira says:

    This is such a profound post. There are many factors that come into play when going through a breakup, and I think in most cases, they are unavoidable. Time is really the best healer. Thanks for sharing!

  16. Maya Luna says:

    You made some really great points! I think people don’t acknowledge the element of how hard it is just to go from being with someone to being alone

  17. This was so deep for me. You were just preaching to the choir. Love is a risk and when we are let down, it HURTS.

    xo,
    Aïchatou Bella

    http://www.stilettosandstandards.com

  18. You hit the nail on the head 100%…break ups ain’t easy at all. I’ve experienced this and I try to avoid getting hurt again; that’s the reason I’m not saying yes to any relationships for now because it takes more than just time to heal. Thanks for sharing this, awesome writeup xx

  19. Wow…I was writing a similar post and you confirmed so many points. I love how transparent you are as well. Great post!

  20. Shanika says:

    This post is amazing! While I can relate to this in many ways (when it comes to romantic relationships), I think that I am able to connect as it relates to relationships that I’ve broken apart from in family. “When we can see that there’s more to the breakup than who we broke up with, we gain more clarity and objectivity. “—This statement resonates so deeply. I’ve learned along this “breakup” process that it’s better to hold on to relationships that value who you are instead of the fear of being lonely. Unfortunately, this is the toughest part, since we are wired to want affection, acceptance, love, and all that other stuff. However, your post speaks such truth to the way we tend to focus on the person (or people) we breakup with instead of realizing that we are mourning our loss and better understanding how to overcome it in a healthy way that heals. #BLMGirl‬

    • Tiffany Rae'Shan says:

      You said so much here! I am totally in agreement with loving people from afar when you need to including family which feels like any other break up.